27. Spin..spin..spin my brain, gently down the stream..

Yep, brain spinning. Why? The lovely doctor (gynae) has just called me, as promised, to talk about the option of freezing eggs or embryos. He was lovely about everything and above all else, above all his 'targets' set by the government, he was concerned that I make the right choice and in my own time, not in the 13 week deadline set by Labour! He asked me to think about it carefully, to talk through things with Chris and go and see my GP about the options.

So the upshot is that I CAN have my eggs frozen but it is less successful than embryo freezing and I CAN have embryos frozen, taking sperm from Chris (explained about the snip) and starting them off, bung them in the freezer for if/when we fancy putting a bun in the oven. I know its not that simple but just knowing that it is possible and I will still have a womb, that I CAN still have children beyond my surgery.

I know that some people will be enraged at the thought of messing with nature, about screening embryos and rejecting those with the BRCA1 gene mutation that I carry in my DNA. Those people who think it is wrong I would like to ask them if they have ever had an operation or got sick and been healed? That's also messing with nature, helping nature and not leaving it to make its own natural selection. This is not designer baby stuff, not choosing a girl or boy and tweaking blue or brown eyes, this is just choosing the best of the bunch for a healthy life. It is in fact less traumatic and morally wrong than screening for down syndrome and aborting a child showing positive results for the condition.

Quite frankly, laying it all out on the table, I am doing the NHS a favour by either not having children or screening those I might have - my gene mutation is costing them thousands of pounds as it is - imagine if there were many more of me..more gene screening, more operations, more embryo freezing.

I am feeling content that I have options. I am still a little nervous about delaying my ovary removal but I'm sure it will be fine.

For those that think I should just not have kids at all..ask yourself why you are on the planet and what you feel your purpose is.

I think we are all here to survive, to continue..everything on the planet strives to continue..to exist.

I've been fighting that and I just want to put it in a box for another day rather than make a decision now. I have been hurried into having a family by most of the health professionals I have met along my BRCA1 gene journey and I can honestly say that I am glad I didn't listen to them. I channelled my own path through the sea of "hurry hurry Leigh-ann, it will help protect you against cancer". No..no it won't, my mum had me and she still got cancer. The pressure and ticking of time and life hiccups have been immense.

I am free to think now.

Thank you Dr Charrier..thank you.