Friday, 19 December 2008

19. Restylin' and going to a private hospital!

So..I thought I'd make my eyes bleed with a heavy internet day - sick of the template so I thought I'd go spotty to match my complexion today. I was going to add a great tune to my blog that reminded me of my Dad - Bob Marley, Three Little Birds. I grew up with reggae music in the background of my life and I recall lots of ear bleeding Billy Ocean, "When the Going Gets Tough" (OMG Dad!). Anyway, I found another tune that is hugely important.. Space Raiders, "Laid Back" which played me into one of the hardest things I ever did before all of this BRCA malarky.. cremate my ex.

Had a bit of blip today too, probably the time of year, the music and my monthly cycle combined. The hospital rang to say that they are having trouble trying to get me a date for operation within their deadlines. The pressure for the NHS to perform is huge and I try not to give them a hard time. My stern attitude must have kicked that secretary into action (thank you hormones - use them while you can Leigh-ann). She was very nice, Janet, she told me I could go to the Torquay NHS or Mount Stuart private hospital. Erm...let me think a moment....erm the PRIVATE HOSPITAL PLEASE!! I felt a little safer in the thought that I would be one of only a few...not one of the many. Its quite sad that I would rather not go to the NHS because now I have a choice. I think the lady understood though and told me to Google Ramsay I did. It looks nice, small and nice and I will be in and out again in a day, maybe an overnight but probably not so its not big issue really.

I feel like I can relax a bit more now in time for Christmas..although I did cry earlier (stupid hormones again). I know there is a small part of me that is still sad at not having children but I will not let it consume me because, quite frankly, this is the best thing I can do for my health, both physical and mental.


Lisa said...

I cant begin to understand the "not having kids" feeling, it must be a real toughie. It sounds like you have a good life anyway though, not a consolation, but something to give thanks for.

Loving the new layout and sending you reassuring hugs to keep your spirits up. x