Thursday, 4 December 2008

12. My nemesis knows my secret

Who is my nemesis? Everyone who knows me knows but I'll explain. The woman who loathes me, the one who feels threatened by me, the one who barely knows me..the mother of my stepson.

Yesterday Chris (the hubby) had to go to the hospital for his first acute knee clinic appointment since I took him to A&E last week. The contact order allows him to collect his son straight from school ending time at 3.10 and as he has Parental Responsibility equal to his ex and should be able to designate a trusted other to collect his son for him if he can't make it in time..but no...she went mental when I did it and she won't even allow her son to hang out at his grandmothers house (which is around the corner from his school, literally) for the 30 minutes or so until Chris arrives. Her son walks past his grandmothers house every day and he is told that he is NEVER to call in to see her. She enjoys the same rights and anyone she likes picks her son up when she can't make it. Fair? No.

And what is this all about? Other women. She is frightened to death that she will not be the most important woman in her son's life. Imagine the shock she will get when he falls for a girl that she can't stand. Imagine the torment. Imagine the choice her son will face, lies, sneaking around, arguments, heartbreak, hatred. I feel sorry for the suffering he will endure one day because of her insecurities and I hope he is strong enough to stand up to her.

Sorry..that was off the subject but necessary for some background on the NEMESIS. I feel sorry for her, that her whole life is quite literally keeping up with the Joneses (ha! ha!). That everything we do she copies. They say mimicry is a compliment so I will look at it all like that but really, deep inside I see it as her keeping an even battleground - anything you can do, I can do better, no you can't, yes I can, no you can't..yes I can because I chuck money around at everything and that will win the day (we'll let her think that for a long while and then it will all come out in the wash!). I do things full of love and making the most out of nothing. I have honesty and love.

So, she knows. Chris stood on the doorstep yesterday on dropping his son back and told her that I have BRCA1 and am having surgery. I am glad that he pointed out that I don't actually have cancer. I am also glad he told her because it was in order to help her support their son if he is troubled at times about it. He is worried about me and its important that she knows so she can do some research and help him understand when he feels sad or scared or worried - if she can stomach supporting him over worrying about me that is, I hope so, for his sake. We aren't there enough to be able to and he knows his mum hates me so it will be tough for him.

She did actually say she would fit her plans around what we were doing over Easter (which is when my op is) which is a miracle. I know she goes through waves of hatred and niceness, she is a little unhinged in that respect, volatile.

I hope that she now realises more than ever how important her son is to us - he is my only son too and I love him dearly, across all the pain, hate, miles and time apart - I am always here for him and I know it will be difficult. I hope she realises more than ever that her son loves me as well as her and that she should be happy that he is surrounded by people who love him and let him love them back without guilt. Our bond will be more evident to her than ever as we near Easter.I am sorry to make him worry, he has enough troubles in his little life. I wish I could take it all away and I wish I could be there for him.