87. Plumping my pillows

What an absolutely gorgeous day it was today.  As I drove around the fringes of the city towards the hospital, the school kick out traffic slowed my pace.  I was able to people watch a little and sat perched on bus stop benches in the sun were women in colourful skirts, exposing freshly shaven legs - with freshly cut and blood scabbed shins.  Lovely!  Guaranteed, the minute the sun comes out, the first 'exposure' shave will end in tragedy with blobs of tissue stuck all over the place to stop the never ending bleed that comes with a razor skinning.  

As usual, nowhere to bloody park.  I drove through every single car park in the hospital grounds before I found a spot, where I wasn't supposed to park.  Sod it!  On entering the Outpatients some woman was ranting about photocopying a piece of paper, which obviously needed the attention of ALL FOUR RECEPTIONISTS AT ONCE!! Two other patients and I waited a polite little while until I wanted to shout, 'Get the fuck on with it will you!!', but I didn't, I'm too pragmatic in such situations so I just stepped right up to the desk and forced one of the receptionists to deal with me.  She stretched with here hands on her face and yawned, "Can I help youuuu?".  Rude cow.  The usual security questions were asked.  Security, seriously? If anyone wanted to steal someones identity, just hang out in Outpatients where patients reel off all manner of personal details aloud for all and sundry to hear.  Good place for stalkers too, phone numbers given out and addresses - genius NHS, utter genius...

For once Waiting Room 2 was nearly empty and the open window seats were free.  Phew, it was hot - like 22C hot, nice for outside but not sat in a stuffy hospital.  Comedy surgeon was late but I did't mind, I was twittering to some funny ladies and looking at the people as they were called for their appointments, one by one, emptying the waiting room further.  Finally it was my turn.  Into the small room I've seen many times before along this journey but no gown today which can only mean no boob flashing.  This was a first, I often feel exposed (of course) and talk a lot with nervousness when I'm half naked in front of two men who poke and squeeze my boobs.  Comedy surgeon and sidekick surgeon entered the room and smiled with familiarity and I felt comfortable.  I proudly announced that today we were going to talk fat transfer.  He flicked though my two inch thick file and his notes, nods and mumbles then told me to stand up so he could check me over for wobbly areas.  Thankfully I'm harbouring enough lardy bits (thank you cake, pizza and revision laziness) to make the operation possible, but I am not allowed to lose weight.   

We discussed the downsides of the surgery; possible infection, cysts, fat necrosis, loss of fat cell percentage (30-50%), uneven breasts, bruising and soreness.  I have to stay in overnight for the first procedure so they can manage the pain levels.  I'm sure it won't be that bad, nothing can compare to what I have already been through with my first surgery.  

The positives of this type of surgery are that the fat transfer is natural and good results are achieved.  The fat that forms new blood supplies in the breast tissue will stay forever and change with my weight, which is one of my big issues, and I will gain volume in the upper part of my breast too which will help fill a bra cup more fully.  Obviously I will have a more svelte bottom, thigh and tummy region where they liposuck (sp??) the fat from and bigger boobs.  Yay!

The first procedure will take 3 hours maximum as my nipples are being done at the same time.  The second and third procedure will just be fat transfer via liposuction so I can grow some more podge in between each session (about 2-3 month intervals).

So, by Christmas I might look more like Dolly Parton and less like Popeye's wife, Olive in the boob volume department.  No, seriously though, I will be happy to gain a cup size and some fullness so I can go back to normality, as close as I will ever be.  Just waiting for the appointment now and I am excited!  

86. Fat transfer appointment...tomorrow!

Note:  All links used in this post are NHS pdf files and previous posts within this blog.

After a couple of phonecalls to comedy surgeon's secretary, an appointment arrived promptly in the post.  Tomorrow I go to meet comedy surgeon and discuss my fat bits (joy!).  I've been holding off reducing my wobbly bits in anticipation of this meeting.  Hanging on to the wobble for a few more weeks.  Never have I been happier about saying, "yes, I have fat bits, isn't it great?!!".

My risk of breast cancer was so high, 85% high and after three years of waiting for everything to settle down after my LD Flap breast reconstruction (you can read more here) I've finally arrived at the end stages.  I lost a whole cup size and a couple of inches through my surgery, despite being told they would use small implants if the muscle, skin and fat was not enough to match what I had before (I was a perfectly formed 36B when I was a complete woman) yet they were never used.  I'm pretty pleased about that, I never wanted implants anyway but I never expected to be so much smaller than I was.

From the front I look even and proportioned and they appear even but a side profile reveals the loss of volume and I can't find any bras to fit me.  The left is much flatter than the right.  Tomorrow I will go to get measured for a bra fitting and take that info to comedy surgeon.  I'm 63kg at the moment (about 3kg over my norm) and even that small weight gain makes me feel flat chested.  My body spreads its weight well, I'm an all over girl, but my breasts never change size with the rest of me.  I didn't realise how much that would bother me and it was never really explained that it would happen.  The reason is due to the location where the skin and muscle was taken from; my back.  Most people don't put much weight on their backs, unlike TRAM Flap which is stomach fat and muscle, an area where women tend to gain weight easily.  Fat transfer may change this for me, introducing fat from areas of the body that store fat; hips, thighs and stomach and so, as the cells settle in, they will act as they always have, gaining and losing fat with the rest of me.  About 40-50% of the fat injected will be reabsorbed and several visits are required to achieve the results discussed.  The maximum increase is usually two cup sizes.

I'm a little apprehensive but quite excited.  Comedy surgeon has seen me change my mind a few times but this time it feels right.  My time is now, lets do this thing and get on with the rest of my life.

85. Justification for Cleavage

A bit of someone else's cleavage. 

Cleavage.  I miss having cleavage.

I would like enough to

a) wear sexy bras again
b) be able to nuzzle into

If you lost yours wouldn't you want it back if you could?  Well, at least you would look at the offer before you shut the door on it, right? This is a sore subject for some who have had less than sucessful surgery like mine, through implant rejection or cancer and I have deep admiration for those that have been truly scarred for life.  Those women will not scorn me for my choice but rather rejoice in the fact that I have the choice at all.  The whole point of knowing my BRCA1 genetic mutation was being able to choose between life (minus original boobs) and the gambling game of my life and cancer risk.  I chose.  I also get to choose again. I have been given the opportunity to play around with fat transfer for breast augmentation.  I know I said I wasn't vain enough to get them done, but let me explain that when I have tried many a push up bra on (used to be my favourite), I get creases, like old lady boob skin crinkling, going on instead of the full breasty-breastiness of real boobs.  Basically my top bit is a bit empty of boob.  Fat transfer can sort all those bits out a little.

The procedure can take up to 5 hours, its not easy, bruises will be a-plenty on the first visit but the fat is stored for the 2-3 revisits top up injections.  My hourglass figure has become more pear shaped these days and when I put on a few pounds everything puts on weight except my new reconstructed LD Flap boobs.  They look great though, I should be happy but saying no to this would be like waving goodbye to 'beautiful, what you used to have boobs'...forever!!  How can I resist?  Oh the vanity of it all.  I suppose this is the question to myself, am I fully justified? Do I need it? Why do I need it? Just because it is offered to me, should I take it?  I suppose you need to lose parts of your body before you can answer that question.  The answer to myself is, yes. The body sculpting part isn't even part of my justification or reasoning.  It's all about the boobs. Simple.

84. Before I actually say no to the boob plumping

I have just seen some fat transfer videos and can't believe how amazing the results When I was keen on this surgery a while back, comedy surgeon reckons it wasn't really worth it but that was a couple of years ago.  Now the procedure is more common, he is offering it to me and I thought I wanted to be finished as I am, but now I am not so sure.  Maybe I do want a bit of re-sculpting all round - as weird as that sounds - a part of me wants to experiment down the path of 'lets make your boobs bigger with fat transfer' (non-graphic fat transfer breast augmentation video here) and a fantastic before and after photo gallery of natural breast augmentation.

Now I know in my last post I said I wasn't going for this but my 'this will only be offered to you once, you only live once, why not' brain kicks in.  So, I think before I get trim for the summer maybe I should just relocate it instead? I am calling my comedy surgeon tomorrow and telling him I want the complete finish me off works.  A girl only has one life and although I am on my second pair of boobs, they could do with a little enhancing of the natural variety.  Fuck it, why the hell not?