46. With danger boobs - pre-op blog entry

So, here I am. Less than 24 hours until I am sat in my own hospital room on the final countdown. I have been fine all day..all week actually but today I had a 'moment' when I realised the enormity of what I am about to do. I just talked myself round that women do this everyday, they survive and cope. I am fine now.

I have been gardening and completing paperwork today. Its been a weird but nice day, slow..long. I have just completely lost my appetite but at least I have eaten today..going to try and have some dinner when I sign off.

So, here's my list of things to take with me. I am not going overboard, I haven't read anyone elses list and I think I am being practical here.

Body
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Wash stuff/flannel
Shampoo
Wipes (useful for keeping cool and clean)
Hand gel (I am a bit of a germ freak)
Bio-Oil
Tissues
Ear plugs
Alice band
Hair bands
Hairbrush

Clothes
PJs
Slippers/slipper socks
Jog pants (for going and coming home)
T-shirt (for going and coming home)
Undies (no bra though - lol!)

Gadgets & Entertainment
Mobile phone (now that you can use them in hospital)
Charger
Nintendo DS (keep the brain busy)
Charger
MP3 player
Notebook
Puzzle Books
Pens

And that's it..if anyone knows of anything I should take but haven't listed - please let me know. I will log on tomorrow (Sunday) but not posting again until I am awake (which Chris will do for me - thank you honey x).

I know I will be nervous but I have no choice now, no control, no options other than to just go forth - go with the armour that is my strength and think about the blessing that I have been given.

And finally, some Thank yous..

Mum - thank you for doing your DNA test and for being so level headed about things.
Dad - thank you Dad for coming to see me this week and for talking with me.
Lori - my in-law mum - thank you for gathering so many bits for me and for your kindness throughout.
Bob - my in-law dad - thank you for being you and for supporting us.
BRCA Umbrella friends - thank you ladies..thank you for your continued kind words and for sharing intimate stuff, your lives, your feelings, your thoughts, your photos. It is a priceless gift and I wouldn't have made it this far without you all.
Selina Goodman - my genetic counsellor - you have been a peaceful oasis of calm every time we have talked. Thank you for understanding me.

And finally..

Chris - my wonderful, thoughtful, patient husband - I adore you, you have been through all the hard stuff, wiped my tears, held me when I have been scared, felt alone, talked sense to me, kept me grounded and stood by me through every wobbly moment. I love you more than I can tell or show you. You are my rock. I know you will love the new me as much as the old me and I love you for helping me through this - without you this would have been impossible. Thank you x

Whoa..okay folks..signing off now, going to the beach tomorrow for some fresh air, relaxing quality time with Chris and then taking my mutant ass to Derriford hosptial for and overnight stay and then some major danger boob removing surgery on Monday!