44. Make way..here comes the Operation Queen!

The title is for my hubby - he (and my sepson) call me the Queen of all things..the Bead Queen (hence my jewellery website name www.beadqueen.co.uk), Gardening Queen, Photography Queen..generally you are the "fill in the blanks" Queen, attached to anything that I am doing at the time. I love it..I know that I am appreciated and loved because I am their Queen.

So..today I am preparing to be the Operation Queen.

I am sat in my conservatory on a less than sunny day, a bit windy, a bit dull and dreary. I have a cup of tea and my laptop (for those concerned..yes it is staying at home and not coming to hospital with me).

This morning I went to see my GP and I explained that I needed a few signatures about stairlifts and my sick note for my op and recovery period. He signed me off for 10 weeks, to be reviewed but that should be plenty for me to get back on my feet with no complications. I also told him about my secret worry: my right breast with an area of thickening, the one that got needle biopsied when I was 27. He examined me and said it is free moving, although lumpy but nothing to worry about probably but with my family history and the BRCA1 gene, it was worth highlighting to the surgeon. He called the hospital whilst I was there, just so they can check it when I do my pre-op medical check on Thursday.

He wished me well and I left feeling much happier about my lumpy boob. Its always caused me concern but I just hope that I am about the nail it from ever becoming anything other than a breast thickening. Whew!

I pottered about town after that, gathered some ingredients to make a delicious Chocolate Guinness cake (yum!) and made my way back home. The phone has been ringing increasingly over the last few days, understandable I guess and today I have spoken to BT (telling them to go away and leave us alone), Jenny my breast care nurse, my Dad - twice, my husband, my mum-in-law and my dear friend Sam.

Jenny, my BCN (breast care nurse)called to see how I was after the shock announcement about my surgery date moving. She wantede to re-organise another time to meet with me before my op and so I'll pop in to see her after my pre-op checkup and just run through the final questions and maybe take some bloods etc. I am due into the hospital on Sunday but I am not sure what time. I have to be in the night before my op so that I am not delayed at all as the surgery will take all day (approx. 8 hours).

I feel strangely calm, I felt very alone for so long although Chris has always been there but recently confessed that this BRCA thing has taken over our lives a little. That's the thing with it all, it can be all consuming but soon, I will not be the worrying BRCA bint - I will be free of the boob worry. I cannot wait. I think I might cry with relief.

I have lists of things to do, what needs to be packed, what I want to ask, what will happen on Sunday, checked around the house for things unreachable, been through my clothes for easy to wear things (do up at the front is preferable but I am short of such items!).

The hoover is still pathetic and so I will spend a few hours trying to get as much clean as possible before the week is out.

I feel very tired today. I think the mental strain is telling. All the years, months, days of the nag have almost come to one point. I am amazed that it is nearly here. This is the biggest goal I have ever aimed for, it has taken the longest time, the biggest of battles and once Monday evening arrives and I wake up..I will have made it.

My goal is in sight. My breast cancer free goal. Sod off thickening - you are just that and nothing else. I am going to beat you to the finish line.

Cancer? No..not for me. No No No No No!

On Monday evening I am blowing the biggest, fattest, rudest RASPBERRY at you Breast Cancer!

I am winning..I am the Operation Queen! : )