76. Nip n Tuck Cancelled

Has it really been 4 months since I last posted? Shocking!! It is because nothing at all has moved forward since my last post, in fact it has all gone backwards. They cancelled my surgery the night before I was due in. I was ready, after months of pondering, preparing for its coming, I was ready and again the rug was pulled from under me. Great!

I was so annoyed that I told them I couldn't go through that again in a hurry so not to rebook it within the next 2 weeks, my studies were getting busy and deadlines looming for assignments. A week later I got another surgery appointment - with a weeks notice. I sat on it for a while, waited for the confirmation message they always send to your home phone for you to accept or decline the appointment. At that moment I would decide how I as feeling and whether I could go through with it. I was so scared they would make things more uncomfortable or make my scars worse, infection etc. The day before the surgery I planned to call them and find out what was going on if I had heard nothing. I got a phone call at 11am from my PS surgeon's secretary and this is how it went;

Secretary: Hello. I am phoning to confirm your surgery is scheduled for tomorrow.

Me: Hello. Um, I haven't had the usual advance telephone message to accept or decline the appointment.

Secretary: Oh, I see..well are you coming in or not?

Me: I am not sure. I did ask for it not be scheduled so soon as my studies will seriously suffer. I can't keep messing about with my life.

Secretary: So are you coming in tomorrow or not?

Me: I would have to say no now, I am sorry.

Secretary: Oh great! You could have let us know sooner. Now we have a large gap in the surgery schedule!

Me: Excuse me? When I last saw my surgeon he told me not to worry about cancelling, he would read a book instead. He knew how unsure I was, how scared I am to come in again. He also said that they can take this reconstruction process at MY pace.

Secretary: Right. I shall take you off the waiting list then.

Me: Um, okay. I will go back through the system when I feel I can face it again. I am sorry but I just can't do it now, as I explained.

Secretary: (She hung up on me).

Me: How polite! I LOVE NHS secretaries, you are all SO people people!

I was livid! Livid! She was so rude. I don't think she gave a rats ass that I was seriously concerned.

No surgery for me for a while. I didn't have it done and I am still thinking about it. I think I will go back to the GP to restart the process in May so I can go in over the summer. I have a serious phobia about vomiting bugs and the outbreaks in the hospitals in winter just freak me out. Winter hospitalisation would be my idea of hell on Earth!

So I am still as I was. Well, actually that is not true. I am STILL suffering with my neck injury and 'YAY' I have to have an MRI scan. The physio signed me off back to the GP as she couldn't help me after 4 months. Recently I have had numbness, pain and tingling in my shoulders and hands - not good! I can't carry my laptop into uni anymore and driving is very uncomfortable. Bloody hell - give me a break someone??

AND on top of that I have the cough from hell. 5 weeks now. I lost my voice and then the cough started, antibiotics didn't touch it and I am not taking another round I was given by my GP, that would be 3 lots in less than 2 months! Nope. I have already picked up a snotty cold on top of the cough. My poor immune system is really suffering. Before September I hadn't had a cold for 6 years!!

What a whinge that was. Better out than in as they say! I hope to post some nicer news next time. Maybe Race for Life in Plymouth?

62. My Race for Life

It's here..tomorrow..Race for Life fundraising 5k for Cancer Research UK. I've raised over £600 so far. Tomorrow will be hard last time it reduced me to tears seeing all those women doing something in memory of people who have died horrible deaths from cancer. This time I am not alone - there will be 10 of us with a long list of In Memory Ofs pinned to our backs. As a group I hope we raise some awareness about hereditary cancer and about BRCA Umbrella the support and social network I set up back in February.

I am excited to finally meet with Lisa, Susanne, Flo, Rian, Michelle and Elaine. I am proud of what we are doing and that I am not alone. I feel better for knowing that I shared my journey through all these hard, life altering decisions about surgery, feelings and life with these women. (Karen, Rhonda, Karen and Amy - I wish you were joining us!! xx)

So, to double check my packing, get some fuel, start my journey to Birmingham.

It's going to be a long day. I have to drive 4 hours in total and tomorrow I have to do my Race for Life..9 weeks post surgery. Whew!

Thank you to everyone who has sponsored me, your messages, your kindness. Thank you for caring about me and about my cause.

Time to go..time to leave :D